I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
