I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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