The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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