If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
