I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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