And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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