I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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