Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
