i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
