she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
