I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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