there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
