How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
