he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
