help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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