do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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