i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
