i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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