Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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