seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
