She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
