hell yes lets make some ravioli
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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