Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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