Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
