I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
