How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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