i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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