and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
