Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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