her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
