He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
