Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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