Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
