Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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