Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
