I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
