I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
