Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
