I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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