Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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