Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
