I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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