He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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