I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
