she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
