I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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