Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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