And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
