highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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