I am puke
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
