His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just invented taco cereal.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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