I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
