You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
