I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
