ugly people sure do ruin things
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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