Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
