he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
