I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
