the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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