u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
