Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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