I wish my penis had an off switch
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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