So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize