Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
