You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
