I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
