Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
