Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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