There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
