Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
