i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
