based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
