i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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