every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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